<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?>
<rss version="2.0"
	xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/"
	xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/"
	xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/"
	xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom"
	xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/"
	xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/"
	>

<channel>
	<title>Telestial State</title>
	<atom:link href="http://www.telestialstate.com/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" />
	<link>http://www.telestialstate.com</link>
	<description>The Absolute Worst that Utah Has to Offer</description>
	<lastBuildDate>Tue, 09 Apr 2013 15:18:04 +0000</lastBuildDate>
	<language>en-US</language>
	<sy:updatePeriod>hourly</sy:updatePeriod>
	<sy:updateFrequency>1</sy:updateFrequency>
	<generator>http://wordpress.org/?v=3.5.1</generator>
		<item>
		<title>The State of the Sip of Water</title>
		<link>http://www.telestialstate.com/2013/02/13/the-state-of-the-sip-of-water/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=the-state-of-the-sip-of-water</link>
		<comments>http://www.telestialstate.com/2013/02/13/the-state-of-the-sip-of-water/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 13 Feb 2013 18:26:43 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Mr. Molly</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[featured]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[politics]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.telestialstate.com/?p=4530</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[You may not have heard the President of the United States of America spoke to the nation yesterday and discussed some pretty important issues: gun control, the housing market, ongoing wars in Afghanistan, the minimum wage. And why haven&#8217;t you heard? Because the only thing every fucktard with Internet access* has been talking about since [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.telestialstate.com/2013/02/13/the-state-of-the-sip-of-water/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>LDS Church, Utah AG Confirm Heebie-Jeebies Over Gays</title>
		<link>http://www.telestialstate.com/2013/02/05/lds-church-utah-ag-confirm-heebie-jeebies-over-gays/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=lds-church-utah-ag-confirm-heebie-jeebies-over-gays</link>
		<comments>http://www.telestialstate.com/2013/02/05/lds-church-utah-ag-confirm-heebie-jeebies-over-gays/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 05 Feb 2013 16:24:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Mahonri Moriancumer</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[conservatives]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gay marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gay mormon]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gay politicians]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gays and politics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mormon]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[politics]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.telestialstate.com/?p=4513</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, with its omnipresent self-righteous fervor, has filed two amicus briefs with the Supreme Court of the United States, asking it to uphold the federal Defense of Marriage Act and California’s Proposition 8. Kirton McConkie, the Church’s law firm, filed the briefs on behalf of six religious organizations—including [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.telestialstate.com/2013/02/05/lds-church-utah-ag-confirm-heebie-jeebies-over-gays/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Vernal Business Owner Acts Like a Douche, Smugness Ensues</title>
		<link>http://www.telestialstate.com/2013/01/15/vernal-business-owner-acts-like-a-douche-smugness-ensues/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=vernal-business-owner-acts-like-a-douche-smugness-ensues</link>
		<comments>http://www.telestialstate.com/2013/01/15/vernal-business-owner-acts-like-a-douche-smugness-ensues/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 15 Jan 2013 17:58:25 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Postum Pete</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[america]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[best of utah]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[conservatives]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[featured]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[first amendment]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[ksl]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[politics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[tea party]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[utah culture]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[utah democrats]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[utah media]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.telestialstate.com/?p=4503</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[George Burnett, local town douche from Vernal, has struck upon a great new business gimmick: charging those who self-identify as &#8216;liberals&#8217; an extra dollar surcharge at his I Love Drilling* smoothie shop. We have a fiscal problem in this country. We&#8217;ve got to deal with it or we don&#8217;t have a country, so to kind [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.telestialstate.com/2013/01/15/vernal-business-owner-acts-like-a-douche-smugness-ensues/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Whose Church Do You Have to Join to Get a Drink Around Here?</title>
		<link>http://www.telestialstate.com/2013/01/11/whose-church-do-you-have-to-join-to-get-a-drink-around-here/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=whose-church-do-you-have-to-join-to-get-a-drink-around-here</link>
		<comments>http://www.telestialstate.com/2013/01/11/whose-church-do-you-have-to-join-to-get-a-drink-around-here/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 11 Jan 2013 17:30:18 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Mr. Molly</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[featured]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[lds church]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mormon]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[politics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[utah lawmakers]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.telestialstate.com/?p=4498</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[We&#8217;ve written extensively* about Utah&#8217;s liquor laws, and there&#8217;s a recent developed that just makes me want to go home, drink, and violently beat my wife and dog. Did you know Utah restaurants &#8220;may not sell, offer for sale, or furnish an alcoholic product except in connection with an order for food&#8221;? This is ridiculous in and [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.telestialstate.com/2013/01/11/whose-church-do-you-have-to-join-to-get-a-drink-around-here/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>It&#8217;s Time to Change the 2nd Amendment</title>
		<link>http://www.telestialstate.com/2013/01/08/its-time-to-change-the-2nd-amendment/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=its-time-to-change-the-2nd-amendment</link>
		<comments>http://www.telestialstate.com/2013/01/08/its-time-to-change-the-2nd-amendment/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 08 Jan 2013 23:19:50 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Mr. Molly</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[featured]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[politics]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.telestialstate.com/?p=4488</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Since the recent shootings at Aurora and Sandy Hook—and everywhere else—there&#8217;s been plenty of 2nd Amendment talk. Piers Morgan and Alex Jones blathered at each other*. Some random Marine told a random blonde CNN anchor he wouldn&#8217;t register his guns if a certain law was passed. Endless Facebook posts on the subject—the only real vehicle for change [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.telestialstate.com/2013/01/08/its-time-to-change-the-2nd-amendment/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Orrin Hatch is an Idiot: Part XVIII &#124; Party Over Principles</title>
		<link>http://www.telestialstate.com/2012/12/20/orrin-hatch-is-an-idiot-part-xviii-party-over-principles/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=orrin-hatch-is-an-idiot-part-xviii-party-over-principles</link>
		<comments>http://www.telestialstate.com/2012/12/20/orrin-hatch-is-an-idiot-part-xviii-party-over-principles/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 20 Dec 2012 17:30:09 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Mr. Molly</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[featured]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gop]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[orrin hatch]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[politics]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.telestialstate.com/?p=4476</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[One thing you can always trust Republicans to do is stick to their principles—regardless of how asinine those principles happen to be. And that&#8217;s admirable, in a way. It&#8217;s good to know where our geriatric senior Senator from Utah stands on the issues instead of having to worry what he&#8217;ll do each time a topic comes up. [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.telestialstate.com/2012/12/20/orrin-hatch-is-an-idiot-part-xviii-party-over-principles/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Pants Sales Skyrocket After Weekend Protest</title>
		<link>http://www.telestialstate.com/2012/12/17/pants-sales-skyrocket-after-weekend-protest/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=pants-sales-skyrocket-after-weekend-protest</link>
		<comments>http://www.telestialstate.com/2012/12/17/pants-sales-skyrocket-after-weekend-protest/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 17 Dec 2012 20:05:22 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Mr. Molly</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[featured]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[lds church]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mormon]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.telestialstate.com/?p=4467</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[When I heard about all the pantsing going on last week, I was intrigued. Intrigued enough to actually go to church. Admittedly, my intentions were selfish. Maybe I would find a pants-wearing woman or a purple-wearing man in my local ward and find a new friend. We would embrace and frolic and bond as only slacktivists* can. [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.telestialstate.com/2012/12/17/pants-sales-skyrocket-after-weekend-protest/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>4</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>&#8220;Pants in Church Day&#8221; to Set Wards Ablaze</title>
		<link>http://www.telestialstate.com/2012/12/12/pants-in-church-day-to-set-wards-ablaze/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=pants-in-church-day-to-set-wards-ablaze</link>
		<comments>http://www.telestialstate.com/2012/12/12/pants-in-church-day-to-set-wards-ablaze/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 12 Dec 2012 16:09:29 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Postum Pete</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[featured]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[lds church]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mormon]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.telestialstate.com/?p=4456</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Hide yo kids, hide yo sacrament; the women are rising up! As if we needed one more thing to blame on Obama, now Mormon women are coordinating a &#8220;Wear Pants to Church&#8221; day this Sunday, December 16th. According to the SLTrib, a group of &#8220;Mormon feminists&#8221;* is planning, via a Facebook page, a symbolic gesture [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.telestialstate.com/2012/12/12/pants-in-church-day-to-set-wards-ablaze/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>&#8220;It&#8217;s Raining Men&#8221; in LDS Chapels</title>
		<link>http://www.telestialstate.com/2012/11/19/its-raining-men-in-lds-chapel/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=its-raining-men-in-lds-chapel</link>
		<comments>http://www.telestialstate.com/2012/11/19/its-raining-men-in-lds-chapel/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 19 Nov 2012 20:00:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Mr. Molly</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[featured]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[lds church]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mormon]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.telestialstate.com/?p=4445</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[An LGBT choir recently snuck into an LDS chapel to sing the following playlist: Dancing Queen by ABBA YMCA by Village People Vogue by Madonna The Bad Touch by Bloodhound Gang Causing the building to burst into flames because of all the gay. At least, that&#8217;s what we assumed happened. Why else would an LGBT choir [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.telestialstate.com/2012/11/19/its-raining-men-in-lds-chapel/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>Orrin Hatch (and everyone who voted for him) is an Idiot &#124; Part XVII</title>
		<link>http://www.telestialstate.com/2012/11/14/orrin-hatch-and-everyone-who-voted-for-him-is-an-idiot-part-xvii/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=orrin-hatch-and-everyone-who-voted-for-him-is-an-idiot-part-xvii</link>
		<comments>http://www.telestialstate.com/2012/11/14/orrin-hatch-and-everyone-who-voted-for-him-is-an-idiot-part-xvii/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 14 Nov 2012 16:16:19 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Mr. Molly</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[2012 presidential campaign]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[featured]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[gop]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[orrin hatch]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[politics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[utah lawmakers]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.telestialstate.com/?p=4442</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Remember how we were supposed to vote for Orrin Hatch so he could be Chairman of the Senate Finance Committee? Well, the caveat he continually forgot to mention was that would only be possible if Republicans gained control of the Senate. Turns out, the GOP actually lost two Senate seats. Come 2013, in the Senate there will [...]]]></description>
		<wfw:commentRss>http://www.telestialstate.com/2012/11/14/orrin-hatch-and-everyone-who-voted-for-him-is-an-idiot-part-xvii/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
		<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
		</item>
	</channel>
</rss>
