The Absolute Worst that Utah Has to Offer
George Burnett, local town douche from Vernal, has struck upon a great new business gimmick: charging those who self-identify as ‘liberals’ an extra dollar surcharge at his I Love Drilling* smoothie shop. We have a fiscal problem in this country. We’ve got to deal with it or we don’t have a country, so to kind [...]
Did you know the MTC is critically out of space and in need of a new, sparkly 9-story building? Envious of their bretheren to the North at City Creek, the Provo MTC was making plans to build a new building in place of several old classrooms. Since Provo isn’t a direct theocracy (yet), things still [...]
Hey at least we aren’t last, right? That’s about the only good news coming from a recently released Utah Corruption Risk Scorecard, giving Utah a D grade and ranking us at 36 out of 50 in the US. The project was a cooperative effort between the Center for Public Integrity, Global Integrity and Public Radio International. [...]
Every year for the past several decades, leaders of the LDS Church have met with leaders of the Utah Legislature before the legislative session begins, to discuss… whoa, wait a minute. I didn’t know this was happening! Did you know this was happening? Hey Earl, [turning to guy sitting behind me in this diner] did [...]
Before we get too deep into this article, let us present Exhibit A: For those of you who have been with us for a while, it’s obvious we don’t take ourselves too seriously, right? We spend most of our days covered in bong resin and our own vomit; our delusions of grandeur usually center around [...]
In the fourth installment of our ongoing series “Orrin Hatch is an Idiot” back in June, I laid into the 36-year* Senator for the mutual masturbation he was engaging in with the nutritional supplement industry. Our blogging balls had barely dropped way back then, yet the message contained in those poetic words still holds strong. [...]
Leave it to the overreaching government to take away the rights of American citizens and private business owners, all in the name of alleged safety. Three Alarm Saloon in Midvale, Utah received nine critical violations and 56 non-critical violations during an October 2010 inspection by the Salt Lake County Health Department. A month later—after the strong arm [...]
I wrote an article the other day about how the State of Utah was banning hookahs. You may not believe it, but I actually do some research when writing the obnoxious dreck you find yourself reading (likely against your will). But when I dusted off my copy of the State’s Constitution* looking for content for [...]
Allegedly Utah is rather Tea Party friendly. The main reason is – despite all the media coverage you see about the group being full of crazy right-wing, racist, ignorant geriatrics – at the core of the Tea Party sits a desire for government to mind its own damn business. For some Tea Partiers the reason [...]
Gawker.com is an Internet blog that you probably read because Telestial State readers are a cultured, educated, and discerning bunch.* Gawker usually posts gossip about celebrities and politicians and media pundits and UtahIsTheWorstStateInTheEntireWorld. During the past week, Gawker has published a countdown of the 50 worst states in the U.S. It was kind of like [...]