The Absolute Worst that Utah Has to Offer
Heads are already butting in Salt Lake over proposed 2012 legislation. The SL Chamber of Commerce has been pushing for a state wide housing and employment anti-discrimination law similar to the one passed in Salt Lake City that would add lesbian, gay, and transgender protections to the already protected classes. Naturally, conservative lawmakers from outside [...]
West Valley City Mayor Richard Burwash Mike Winder has announced that he will run for Salt Lake County Mayor. His reasons for running entail the usual “I want into your government so I can dismantle it from the inside!” Most recently known for stealing the identity of Richard Burwash to write pro-West Valley City articles [...]
Salt Lake City Police Chief Chris Burbank announced he received orders from Salt Lake City Mayor Ralph Becker and the Zions Bank Board of Directors (1%) to use any means necessary, including the use of deadly force, to disperse the Occupy Salt Lake City protesters whom have taken over Pioneer Park. In a press release [...]
Good morning, Utah. This is Telestial State’s 100th blog post! You have no one to blame but yourselves. When we started this blog in April, we had no idea what an amazing, global phenomenon it would quickly become. Telestial State now boasts dozens of readers, ranging from somewhere in Utah to some other part inUtah. [...]
Have you visited downtown Salt Lake City recently? It’s really spooky. It’s a ghost town, but with lots of construction. (The construction workers are ghosts.) In fact, last week I even saw a tumbleweed blow across the street! The tumbleweed was then hit by TRAX, which derailed, killing 17 people. Oh no, more ghost construction [...]
Good morning, Salt Lake City. Did you pick up your new Donny and Marie CD over the weekend like we told you to? Speaking of “people who refuse to do karaoke with me,” Mayor Ralph “Meh” Becker unveiled the design of your new police station… (ahem)… your Public Safety Building last Friday. Here it is. [...]
This foursome was at yesterday’s Living Green Festival, protecting the environment or spreading STDs or something.
“Becky, Mike … so good of you to join us. Have a seat, please.” “Yes … sir … I, uh …” Becky answered, unsure why she had been summoned. “Thank you for having us, sir,” Michael said in response as he moved to the designated seat. “I wanted to ask …” “Now’s not the time [...]
“NHL thinks Salt Lake City is in Arizona”. You stupid, stupid fucks. Only a RETARDED IDIOT with a 3RD GRADE EDUCATION would think that Salt Lake City is in Arizona. YOU FUCKING RETARDED FUCK-TARDS. Just kidding. Salt Lake City is kind of a crappy town, so I don’t blame anyone for not knowing where it [...]
Here’s a story on KSL.com about an invisible gorilla interrupting a basketball game, as discovered by researchers at the University of Utah. People sat around watching a video about non-professional basketball players (WBNA?), and were given an iTunes gift card every time they said “Holy shit, did you see that monkey?!” Seriously. Like, I’m not [...]