The Absolute Worst that Utah Has to Offer
This may come as a shock, but Utah has both criminals and drug addicts; Utah even has criminals who are also drug addicts. Unfortunately, when many of those criminals get out of prison they don’t have the skills necessary to compete in the real world—and they’re still drug addicts. Enter Golden Spike Treatment Ranch: The [...]
Good morning Utah! Have you lost your job, did your girlfriend break up with you, and have you just filed for bankruptcy? Of course you have! Looking for something to do this weekend, aside from drinking to make the pain go away until you go legally blind? Why not join Volunteers of America – Utah? [...]
I was going through my LDS Hymn book last night when I came across the following lyrics. I felt so inspired after reading them, that I’d like to share them with you: Young man, there’s a place you can go. I said, young man, when you’re short on your dough. You can stay there, and [...]
Telestial State’s Charity of the Week is No More Homeless Pets. And when it comes to local charities, you can’t do much better than that. As a full disclaimer, we should inform you that we happen to have an vested interest in No More Homeless Pets, because one of Telestial State’s writers – who shall [...]
You know how the Tea Party is trying to get rid of government? We’re not saying this is a clever ploy to kill off all homeless people, but we’re not saying this isn’t a clever ploy to kill off all homeless people either. That being said, the Utah Food Bank is a great institution whose mission [...]
Happy Friday, everyone! You know what happens every Friday, don’t you? You get into an argument with your wife which leads you to drink a shit ton of tequila for breakfast which leads to your boss firing you for showing up to work drunk which leads to your wife filing for divorce. Also, every Friday [...]
If you’re a regular reader of Telestial State, you’re probably aware of how we feel about “the gays”. But in case you’re not, here’s how we feel about them: We think they’re awesome. In fact, some of them write for Telestial State. Not only is it none of our business who they decide to scissor [...]
As we mentioned last week, we’ve started highlighting local charities on Fridays. This is a real win-win situation: our readers learn how to donate time and money to worthwhile causes, and we – the Telestial State staff – make amends for all those terrible things we wrote earlier in the week. Ironically, most of the [...]
In an effort to show everyone that we’re not complete assholes*, Telestial State is proud to announce its first instalment of Charity of the Week. Each Friday we will feature a Utah charity, a brief description, and a link to donate. Some things to keep in mind: Do not send us your money. If you’re going to [...]