The LDS Church Is Totally Politically Neutral (Except For That Whole Romney Thing)

Um, as you totally already know, the LDS Church does not, like, you know, get involved in politics. Like, ever. Duh. Tubular. Let’s go to the mall.

In fact, the LDS Church is so far removed from politics, that they’ve even released a press release highlighting their political neutrality* [emphasis added]:

“The Church’s mission is to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ, not to elect politicians. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is neutral in matters of party politics . . . The Church does not: Endorse, promote or oppose political parties, candidates or platforms . . . [does not] Allow its church buildings, membership lists or other resources to be used for partisan political purposes . . . [does not] Attempt to direct its members as to which candidate or party they should give their votes to. This policy applies whether or not a candidate for office is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.”*

But you see, a Mormon named Mithaniel Romney is currently running for President of the United States of America.** And as Paul Rolly points out in his recent Salt Lake Tribune column, W. Craig Zwick from the First Quorum of the Seventy (pictured here), totally wants that Mormon to become President. So much, in fact, that Zwick used his LDS Church email account to solicit campaign contributions, writing:

“I’m down in Vegas [with son Spencer, who is Romney’s finance chairman] helping Mitt Romney today . . . How much can you contribute to the Romney for President Committee today? You can only give $2,500 max for you and your wife. Let me know — let’s take back America!”

Yeah, I know. Shocking. A Mormon leader used church resources to help a Mormon become president.

STOP THE MOTHERFUCKING PRESSES!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!! !!!!! [bathroom break] [ok, I’m back] !!!!!!!!! !!!!!! !! !!!!!!!!!!! !! !!!!!!! !! !!!! !!!!!!! !!!! !!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!

Let’s not kid ourselves. Everybody already knows the LDS Church strongly influences Utah politics. And overwhelmingly influenced Proposition 8. Our country now has an opportunity to elect the first ever Mormon President in history. Are we so naïve as to believe that church resources and members will never ever ever ever ever† be used to make that happen?

So the next time the LDS Church says:

“we do not endorse political candidates,”

you should remember that is secret temple handshake code for:

“we do not endorse political candidates publicly or in the press, but our members are strongly encouraged to use Facebook and Twitter and YouTube and emails and other Internet-related websites to make sure Brother Romney becomes the next President of the United States or you’re all excommunicated.”

Thus saith the Lord.

*AKA, the ‘Mitt Romney Rule.’

**Never mind that silly “in the world but not of the world” thing.

†ever ever ever ever