So it’s Friday and it’s finally sunny outside. Why the fuck are you inside reading your computer?
Perhaps you, like many senior Americans, have nothing better to do but sit around your house and wait for the mailman to deliver you some delicious junk mail. According to Harry Reid, that’s reality for millions of Americans.
Elderly Americans rely on the United States Postal Service… I’ll come home to my home here in Washington and there will be some mail there. A lot of it is what some people refer to as junk mail. But for the people that are sending that mail, it’s very important. And, talking about seniors — Seniors LOVE to get junk mail. It’s sometimes their only way of communicating or feeling they’re part of the real world.
Mammy Jeannie really thought today would be the day that her good for nothing grandson would write her a letter* so she made sure to stay at home all day and wait for the little red flag on her windmill mailbox to be raised. She’d run outside in anticipation, pulling on an extra kitty cat sweatshirt (because it’s “still just so nippy outside”) and hurriedly grab her stack of mail. Tossing aside AARP newsletters and a flyer from Orrin Hatch (cc her Bishop) thanking her for attending her caucuses, she’d look desperately for that envelope. Coupon packs, pizza ads, a postcard from that treasonous socialist Jim Matheson abound; but no letter.
This is the America Harry Reid, leader of the Democrats in the Senate believes in. This America, he argues, would be forever changed if the USPS isn’t saved. Yes, rather than figure out why it is in America that our Seniors feel so dejected that only junk mail keeps them connected to the real world, or why it is that we need a junk mail delivery service to save them, we shouldn’t touch the status quo.
So get off your ass, go outside, write a mother fucking letter to your grandma, and save the USPS. Or just get online and subscribe the senior citizens in your life to a bundle of junk mail. Either way, Harry Reid is on our Christmas Card list so he doesn’t get too lonely.
*I’m sorry! I sent you an email but your AOL account is full so it rejected.