We’re livetweeting the 182nd LDS General Conference, beginning at 10:00 am MDT. Check out the twitter feed below, or follow us at twitter.com/telestialstate:
Telestial State Offers a Rare Retraction
Way back in June of 2011, we wrote about how Mike Lee was a different kind of political douchebag; we’d like to publicly apologize for that article and run the following correction: Mike Lee is just like every other political douchebag. The Tea-Party-darling Senator recently endorsed Mitt Romney for president—showing that blood atonement is apparently thicker than water. [...]
The LDS Church Doesn’t Influence the Utah Legislature (Wink, Wink)
This article from the SL Trib is certain to set you off this morning. Before reading it, I recommend you take your state-issued Prozac. Done? Ok. In summary, it examines the influence the LDS Church indirectly exerts over the state legislature. I say indirectly because, according to IRS Tax Exempt law, the LDS Church is [...]
Mark Shurtleff Still Concerned about Football, Little Else
Our favorite Utahn, Mark Shurtleff, is moving forward with his plans to sue the BCS—despite the fact that, the way things are trending, the BCS will be gone in two or three years. Why is Attorney General Shurtleff so obsessed with disbanding the BCS? Is it because he’s concerned with the stranglehold they have on [...]
The LDS Church’s City Creek Hotel & Casino Finally Opens
I’m not sure if you heard, but yesterday was the glorious Second Coming of Jesus Christ the Lord and Savior the grand opening of a mall. Like billions of other Salt Lake City residents, Telestial State was in attendance. And we have to admit: it’s a really pretty mall. There are waterfalls and a sky [...]
Romney Campaign Preempts Inevitable Flip-Flopping
Mitten’s campaign has a new tagline – “The Etch-A-Sketch Candidate.” Courtesy Romney campaign spokesman Eric Fehrnstrom, the candidate has already begun his retreat from the fringe right as his nomination looks more and more to be a lock. Explaining how, in the fall, Romney can win over general independent voters after a campaign that has [...]
A Failing Grade for Utah Ethics
Hey at least we aren’t last, right? That’s about the only good news coming from a recently released Utah Corruption Risk Scorecard, giving Utah a D grade and ranking us at 36 out of 50 in the US. The project was a cooperative effort between the Center for Public Integrity, Global Integrity and Public Radio International. [...]
Utah Now Full of Sluts and Whores, Thanks to Governor Herbert
Look out your window. Do you notice anything different this morning? Wait a minute… that drunken bacchanalian sex orgy, currently occurring in every single street in every single city in the entire state of Utah… was that there last week? No, it wasn’t. We have Governor Herbert and his sexy agenda to thank for that. [...]
Where the Hell Did All These Utah Democrats Come From?
Occasionally we are forced to write about good news. There’s just no way around it. Now sure, criticizing BYU, conservatives, the Deseret News, the GOP debates, homophobes, Jason Chaffetz, the LDS Church, Mark Shurtleff, Mike Lee, Mitt Romney, Mormon culture, Orrin Hatch, racists, Republicans, and the Utah Legislature are our bread and butter. It’s what [...]
Utah Legislature Caught with Lobbyists’ Hands Down Their Pants
Local lawmakers were caught with a lobbyist groups’ hands down their pants on Thursday with Governor Herbert threatening a veto of passed legislation, a rarity in this state where the Governor rarely challenges legislation except in cases of public outcry. The legislation would require landlords to attend an 8 hour “good landlord” class, ensuring that [...]