Happy Halloween, sinners!
So you’ve waited until the last minute to find a Halloween costume for your ward’s trunk-or-treat activity tonight – and you can’t wear your mom’s clothes like you did last year, because of the pesky new “no cross-dressing” commandment. Don’t worry – your least favorite Utah blog, Telestial State, is here to help! We’ve created the following masks of Utah politicians, just for you.
- print out one of the following masks
- cut the mask out, including holes for the eyes
- put on an suit
- rehearse a few empty talking points
and you’re ready for Halloween!
The best part about this costume is that it lets you bypass security at the airport!
We even made a little slot in the mask where Orrin Hatch’s mouth would be, so that the Tea Party has something to stick its dick in!
Nobody at your Halloween party will know who this is, so make sure you wear a nametag.
Don’t forget to wear a fat suit!
In case anybody at your Halloween party argues that “Thomas S. Monson isn’t a politician,” respond with “You’re right, he doesn’t influence Utah politics! And the Pope isn’t Catholic!” And then eat 10% of their candy corn.
The easiest way to get into character is to tell lots of funny jokes. Here’s a good one to start with.
Have a safe and happy Halloween, everyone! And remember: Halloween is actually the pagan worship of the Devil.
*Here’s a Halloween fun fact: We didn’t photoshop Jason Chaffetz’ face at all. Did you know that his eyes really do look like that in real life?