Somebody You’ve Never Heard Of Just Loooves the Beehive State

So there’s a presidential candidate named Gary Johnson. If the name sounds familiar, it’s because he used to be your high school PE teacher.

He’s running for president because that’s what old white ex-politicians do when they get bored.* Gary (as his friends and nobody else calls him) used to be the governor of… google google google… wikipedia wikipedia wikipedia… New Mexico. Nobody knows who he is, because he’s only been invited to one of the debates, and he has lower poll numbers than a crouton.**

Here’s the weird(er) part: He just moved his presidential campaign headquarters to Salt Lake City because… hmmm… have you checked out that new show ‘New Girl?’ Cute, right?

If you’ll recall, back in May we wrote about a douchey heart-breaker named Jon Huntsman who, despite being the ex-fucking-governor of Utah, moved his presidential campaign headquarters to Orlando to be closer to Disneyworld or the elderly or something.

So despite losing our ex-governor, it looks like we’re going to get a presidential headquarters in Utah after all! According to Gary (Johnson) (the ex-governor from New Mexico), placing his campaign headquarters isn’t that weird:

“It also helps that the candidate has other ties to the Beehive State. For example: Johnson has hang-glided at the Point of the Mountain and loves to ski. He’s a big fan of Utah.”

Well, I’m convinced. Gary… google google google… wikipedia wikipedia wikipedia… Johnson in 2012!!

*And/or having an affair and/or playing golf.

**Yum!