The Absolute Worst that Utah Has to Offer
Gawker.com is an Internet blog that you probably read because Telestial State readers are a cultured, educated, and discerning bunch.* Gawker usually posts gossip about celebrities and politicians and media pundits and UtahIsTheWorstStateInTheEntireWorld. During the past week, Gawker has published a countdown of the 50 worst states in the U.S. It was kind of like [...]
When James Taft Fredette announced he was engaged to his girlfriend Whitney Wonnacott, he affirmed he was the most boring person on the planet. The proposal was announced via Twitter (apparently Wonnacott is always wearing her cheerleader uniform*) which in and of itself is boring, but what we have is a star college athlete with a promising future [...]
You know how the Tea Party is trying to get rid of government? We’re not saying this is a clever ploy to kill off all homeless people, but we’re not saying this isn’t a clever ploy to kill off all homeless people either. That being said, the Utah Food Bank is a great institution whose mission [...]
Conservative Christian TV commentator* Glenn “Not an anti-Semite” Beck held a rally in Israel yesterday. You probably didn’t notice though because Kim Kardashian was getting married and Steve Jobs was resigning from Apple and Michelle Bachmann’s husband was fucking a go-go boy and Iron Chef was cooking with anchovies and baby powder. The point is, [...]
You know that thing you don’t care about? Turns out most people don’t care about it. And even though we’ve clearly established this general apathy toward the subject, we’re going to write about it anyway. This must have been what was going through the mind of intrepid reporter Scott D. Pierce when he noticed how [...]
Jason Chaffetz, you motherfucker. For months, the ‘good’ people of Utah have been holding their breath and/or waiting with baited breath and/or some metaphor with breath for the Brawl of the Century. Jason Chaffetz, the Tea Party teenager, was all but likely to challenge the Senate seat of Orrin Hatch, the confused Republican grandfather. And [...]
It’s cute, really. First Jon Huntsman sent out this tweet, saying he believes in evolution and trusts scientists on global warming. Then he went on This Week and started blathering on to Jake Tapper’s awful haircut about how the anti-intellectualism the Republican party seems to be embracing – especially as it relates to evolution and climate change [...]
Happy Friday, everyone! You know what happens every Friday, don’t you? You get into an argument with your wife which leads you to drink a shit ton of tequila for breakfast which leads to your boss firing you for showing up to work drunk which leads to your wife filing for divorce. Also, every Friday [...]
I really thought I was done writing about Orrin Hatch for a while – especially after this post, where his level of idiocy seemed so unbridled. I don’t want to keep writing about him; I really don’t. I even passed over this story about how Hatch will be receiving a $125,000 annual pension after he leaves Congress. (In [...]
Today’s media really likes it when it can pigeonhole people, or even whole groups, into pre-established ideas. It saves them from having to do research or any critical thinking, while still calling themselves journalists. For instance, in this past weekend’s Iowa Straw Poll there were two candidates who each received more than twice the votes than the [...]