The Absolute Worst that Utah Has to Offer
As we mentioned last week, we’ve started highlighting local charities on Fridays. This is a real win-win situation: our readers learn how to donate time and money to worthwhile causes, and we – the Telestial State staff – make amends for all those terrible things we wrote earlier in the week. Ironically, most of the [...]
Senator Mike Lee was a guest on Hardball with Chris Matthews. For those of you not familiar with Chris Matthews or his show, he has a proclivity for shouting, interrupting, simplifying complex issues into yes-no questions, and shouting; his few minutes with Lee were no different. The issue at hand was the current debt ceiling (specifically [...]
That lucky son of a bitch. Some people are called to serve missions in Idaho, New Jersey, or worse, Temple Square. Meanwhile, Tim DeChristopher has been called to serve a 2-year mission to jail. What a lucky missionary! Two whole years, spreading the good word in jail! At least in jail – as opposed to [...]
So yesterday morning I’m reading the Salt Lake Tribune while my wife gets our 12 children ready for school*, when I come across a news story that made me spit out my Postum all over our faux granite counter top: Ron Howard to direct ‘Under the Banner of Heaven’ Ron “America” Howard is directing a [...]
Happy Pioneer Day! Yes, we know… Pioneer Day was technically yesterday. But as everyone knows, holidays never fall on a Sunday because time and space are different in Utah. It’s easy to remember, with this little poem: Thirty days hath September, April, June and November; February has twenty eight alone Do not celebrate holidays on [...]
In an effort to show everyone that we’re not complete assholes*, Telestial State is proud to announce its first instalment of Charity of the Week. Each Friday we will feature a Utah charity, a brief description, and a link to donate. Some things to keep in mind: Do not send us your money. If you’re going to [...]
Apparently a bunch of people at the Transportation Security Administration were e-mailing each other about what a bad job they were doing. Not only were they infringing on people’s 4th amendment rights*, but they weren’t even doing a good job of keeping knitting needles and fingernail clippers off planes. Turns out, since the TSA took [...]
Remember that one time when Al Gore was about to become the next President but then suddenly lost to George W. Bush because Ralph Nader invented the seat belt and then Democrats blamed Nader when George W. Bush invaded the wrong country and liberals compensated for their guilt by giving Al Gore an Oscar and [...]
We all know that Fox News is a bastion of security against the Liberal main-stream media and against Satan*. They have a commitment to the truth and to reason that is second to none. So when one of Fox & Friends‘ generic blonde vixens** said Mittens Romney wasn’t Christian, it might as well come from Joseph Smith [...]
Good morning, Utah. This is Telestial State’s 100th blog post! You have no one to blame but yourselves. When we started this blog in April, we had no idea what an amazing, global phenomenon it would quickly become. Telestial State now boasts dozens of readers, ranging from somewhere in Utah to some other part inUtah. [...]