Mormon Church Realizes Some of Its Leaders are Democrats

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Harry Reid will burn in hell.Mormons hate Democrats, and it’s obvious why.

  • Democrats are okay with the evil practice of raising taxes, funds which then go to their bishop their government who can then divvy them out as needed via church government welfare programs.
  • Democrats naively support free agency an individual’s ability to decide whether or not they should get married, smoke pot, or have an abortion – instead of having the government decide for them.
  • Democrats promote social change don’t understand that if it was good enough for our Founding Fathers, it’s good enough for a world that only faintly resembles the 18th century.

Well, apparently several top leaders within the LDS Church have outed themselves as Democrats. In response, the Church has attempted to quash the uprising and issued the following statement:

General Authorities and general officers of the Church and their spouses and other ecclesiastical leaders serving full-time should not personally participate in political campaigns, including promoting candidates, fundraising, speaking in behalf of or otherwise endorsing candidates, and making financial contributions.

You see, members of the Mormon church are so blindly obedient that if they heard a General Authority had so much as made a financial contribution to a campaign, that would be a clear message to every single member that they needed to donate to and/or vote for the same candidate. This was fine when they knew every General Authority was a Republican and the church could get members to, without questioning, pull that GOP lever.

But what if a General Authority had escaped the hive mind and thought there might be a candidate from the Democratic Party worth voting for? Apparently with this new discovery of a handful of Democrat-leaning General Authorities, that became a real possibility and could have led to chaos. Members wouldn’t have known who to vote for.

So instead of forcing members to think critically, the Mormon church decided to cover their bases and make sure there isn’t any confusion about the fact that Mittens Romney will be the greatest President ever.