On Tequila Fridays, I use my day off by dressing up as the ghost bride of Donny Osmond, passing out cigarettes and unregistered Twitter usernames to the homeless at the downtown Salt Lake City library, and having afternoon (decaffeinated) tea with former Utah governor Olene Walker. My god, does that woman love to talk about her grandchildren! It’s almost as if someone slipped some tequila into that poor woman’s teacup! (Wink!)
Tequila Fridays are my favorite day of the week. So imagine my horror when I learned that “State lawmakers have effectively ended Utah’s experiment with a four-day workweek for many state employees.”
“The four-day workweek used by almost 13,000 state employees won’t automatically end because individual schedules could be staggered to accommodate 10-hour days. But the change will eliminate a good portion of the energy savings that prompted former Gov. Jon Huntsman to switch to the Monday through Thursday schedule in 2008.”
WHY THE FUCK ARE UTAH LAWMAKERS TAKING AWAY MY TEQUILA FRIDAYS?!
Apparently the 4-day workweek was a “bad idea,” a “failed experiment,” and “Who the hell is Olene Walker?” But did Utah lawmakers stop to think FOR EVEN ONE MINUTE about how this would affect Utah state employees? We’re not puppets**, whose strings can be manipulated by Utah lawmakers’ every whim! We shouldn’t have our schedules JERKED AROUND, just because a state representative got a good idea after reading a clever article in The New Era!
They’ve already changed our schedules twice; who’s to say it won’t happen again? Why not give state employees every third Tuesday off? And every Thursday following a full moon? Was Jersey Shore a rerun last night? Then Wednesday will be a half-day.
Just because Utah lawmakers fill their schedule with afternoons of golf and late evenings of totally not having sex with prostitutes (Wink!), doesn’t mean they can do whatever they want with our schedules. Utah employees deserve consistency. They deserve respect.
And I deserve some water and ibuprofen after drinking an entire bottle of tequila.
*I don’t work at the DMV. But I do have a sister named Selma. (I don’t have a sister named Selma.)
**Please note: doesn’t apply to members of the LDS Church.