C’mon, America. CUH-MON. Obama was totally probably lying when he announced that Bin Laden was killed!! Osama Bin Laden is not dead, and the Moon landing, and Jimmy Hoffa, and Roswell, and Where’s My Inhaler!!!
Faster than it takes to roll a dead old Muslim with kidney failure into a lake, the so-called “Deather” Movement* has sprung to life. Almost immediately, wormy little conspiracies have started to make their way around the Wholesome Internet. Take, for example, Cindy “Still Crazy After All These Years” Sheehan:
“I am sorry, but if you believe the newest death of OBL, you’re stupid. Just think to yourself–they paraded Saddam’s dead sons around to prove they were dead–why do you suppose they hastily buried this version of OBL at sea? This lying, murderous Empire can only exist with your brainwashed consent–just put your flags away and THINK!”
No one is better at swallowing** baseless conspiracies (EXCEPT FOR GLOBAL WARMING) than The Not Racist Tea Party. Maybe this is because the Tea Party is really distrustful of the government. Or maybe this is because the Tea Party is full of people who don’t need evidence for the Bible but do need evidence for, um, a birth certificate. WHO KNOWS. Either way, how long do you think it will take for The Not Racist Tea Party to start spouting these conspiracy th… awww shit. They’ve already started.
- “osama dead? or not dead and living in america? government lies. theyre built on lies. wheres the proof?”
- “RT Where is the body? Where is the body? Where is the body? Where is the body? Where is the body? Where is the body? Where is the body?”
And of course:
- “Osama bin Laden is confirmed dead on the anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts. Coincidence? I think not.”
Don’t worry, we also threw our hat into the conspiracy ring:
- “Obama announces the death of Osama Bin Laden on the first day of Zombie Awareness Month. COINCIDENCE?”
So in summary:
1.) IF you’ve never seen the melting ice caps, THEN global warming must be false.
2.) IF you’ve never seem Osama Bin Laden’s body, THEN he must not be dead.
3.)IF you don’t want America to be destroyed by the archangel Gabriel, THEN you’ll vote for Trump/Palin in 2012.